Living on fumes

The end of the year is near... does anyone else feel as though they are nearly running on empty? The dregs of fuel are sloshing around in the bottom of the tank and it seems that it's only the fumes that are keeping things going.... in a spluttering inconsistent kind of way.

Somehow my sleep patterns have shifted so that I seem to be wide awake late into the night, working on several projects at once. The mornings after are hell. Especially this morning when a supporter of mine wanted to catch up over breakfast... at 6am. It was awesome catching up with him, even better after the caffeine started to kick in. But I have to say that three hours sleep is just not enough! I was home again by 7.30, eyes rolling disfunctionally in their sockets, my brain gently spinning in a disengaged stupor.

I get involved in a lot of stuff... cool stuff, fun stuff, busy stuff. This year I've organised the technical side of Soul Survivor, Fuse, Christmas in the Park Porirua and a number of smaller events. I've helped at the Ignite Sport indoor sports competition and their fundraising quiz night, a World Vision 40 hour famine concert, The Noise in Feilding. I've helped a local church with their sound engineer training as well as totally reorganising my own church sound system and training new operators. I've taken on the role of music director at church, looking after a 10 piece music group and not only arranging music and teaching the songs but having to look after all the issues that come with a group interacting with each other. I've left Youth for Christ and become a staff member at my church taking on an administrative and development role that has me involved in everything from Sunday school, youth programmes, and special events to sorting out phone lists, training materials etc. I've worked on several graphics projects from business cards and signage to posters and t shirts. And this is just what I can remember off the top of my head.

Tomorrow I'm official photographer for a local dance school's annual recital concert... as well as helping set up the lights beforehand. I'll also find some time to catch up with Sam and the rest of the Soul Survivor music team to discuss set up and soundchecks etc for the festival in January.

It's all good stuff and for the most part I love doing it. But the problem is... how do you decide what to keep doing and what to drop off? I want to do more things but there is never enough time. The worst feeling in the world is where you feel that you are just running from one thing to the next and not spending time really enjoying each thing, appreciating it, savouring it.

I discussed this with a few people like Sam at various times... and I think we all agree that there is no easy answer. We manage to come up with a few good theoretical models but the actual operation of these never quite measures up to hope or expectation.

So off to bed now... maybe I'll have an epiphany tonight.